i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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