i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
