My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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