i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
