She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
