I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize