So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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