After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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