Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
