I seem to have left my pride at pride
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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