you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
