Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
