Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
