hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
