My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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