At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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