in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
