Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize