obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
