You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
