i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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