That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
