I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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