apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
