Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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