I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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