I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
