highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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