Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
