im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
