i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
