Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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