so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
