I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
