So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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