There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
