So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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