I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
