there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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