I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
