Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
