I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
