The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
