Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
