Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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