1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
