Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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