"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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