He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
