I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
