She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
