Nicole vs. Life
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize