And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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