I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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