i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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