we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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