Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
