i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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