U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
