She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
