I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
