i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
