I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
