So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
