Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize