butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
