theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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