all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize