I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
