A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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