my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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